Let's Set the World on Fire

and i totally am. but i just finished gossip girl and now i’m depressed. why can’t i be blair waldorf?

JUST READ SEVEN HUNDRED PAGES OF ANNA KARENINA JUST TO FIND OUT SHE THROWS HERSELF IN FRONT OF A FUCKING TRAIN. 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?

i’m freaking out majorly. 

i totally underestimated how hard it was going to be to say goodbye. i also didn’t realize how much things were going to change when i got back. i don’t think i’m quite grasping this graduation concept and that 80% of my friends are going to be doing it in five short months. 

no more american studies classes with demi and maria

no more sunrises with kim

no more sleepovers with jamie

no more adventures with kim and colleen 

no more hating on DC with lucy

no more anything 

this sucks. why did i choose to go abroad again?

i don’t feel ready to leave. sure, i miss colleen and sammie and am dying to see them again and go to my life at home, but for the first time, i’m not ready to leave. 

this has been one of the toughest semesters ever, but the relationships i’ve formed with people make me never want to leave. 

at the same time, i’m also afraid to leave. one of my biggest fears about leaving is losing tough with kim. in the two short semesters we’ve really hung out and gotten to know each other, she’s become one of my best friends. she’s a self-proclaimed technophobe and a follow the stars kind of person, so keeping in touch isn’t her strong suit, but i hope we can manage to do it. i really can’t imagine my life without her in it. she always manages to put a smile on my face. 

demi and maria are two people i also don’t want to leave. i’ve had a class (or two) with demi since my first semester of sophomore year and i think we work well together. maria is also one of the coolest people i’ve met. i don’t want them to graduate at all and i don’t ever want to not talk to them. they’ve literally kept me sane in this mess of a world. 

then there’s number three. jackie has been the light at the end of the tunnel this semester. taking her was the best decision i made. she now wants to go abroad for an entire year, which totally breaks my heart. i feel like she came into my life and now she’s leaving. this semester would have totally sucked 100000% more without her in it.

i’m also afraid that when i get back, i’ll have like 4 friends. most of my friends are seniors and are graduating and won’t be here when i get back. this means no MGC dates with emma, no seeing the sunrise over mckinley with kim, no sleepovers with jamie, no classes with demi or maria.

time just SUCKS. and even if this is two years too late, i’m not ready for this semester to be over because i’m not ready to say goodbye to anyone. 

i know i have an abundance of people to turn to and who care about me and my well being, but i have no idea who to talk to. 

j’s stressed out enough about her schoolwork and her own life and i don’t want to burden her further with my trivial problems.

k’s got enough on her plate and i really don’t want to burden her with my life. 

s and i just became good friends and i don’t want her to think i’m crazier than i actually am and not be my friend anymore because i really do like her and do not want her to stop liking me because i’m insane. 

e’s such a mess. i mean, don’t get me wrong, i’m a mess, as well, but i feel like putting the two of our messes together would just end in disaster.  

i would love to talk to p, but she’s super busy. 

i just want someone who understands and just gets it. someone who will say all the right things and listen to me as i’m irrational and angry and hateful. someone who won’t turn it on themselves and just let me go. 

right now, everything sucks.